Videos: Some people are bisexual

Some people are bisexual

27 June 2009

ZJ: Some people are attracted to men. Some are attracted to women. And some are attracted to men and women. Apparently this is just a little too complicated for some people, because I keep hearing that bisexuals just haven't "decided" who they're attracted to—which implies that there is a decision to be made. But that's just not the case.

The problem is, a lot of people think sexual attraction consists of two categories: attraction to men and attraction to women, exclusively, and everyone must fall within one of those categories. But that's not how it works. Sexuality is a spectrum, ranging from exclusive attraction to men, to exclusive attraction to women.

A lot of people are somewhere near either extreme, and prefer only men or only women. But there's plenty of room in the middle, too. Many people are attracted to men and women, in varying proportions. They could mostly prefer men, but also be significantly attracted to women, or vice versa. Or they might be equally attracted to both. There are a lot of grey areas here, because there's such a wide variety of sexual preferences.

That's why it's so strange when people insist that you can only be attracted to men or women, so bisexuals are really just gay, or straight, or "confused", or "faking it". Even gay people say that sometimes, and it's really just demeaning, because how do you know? People usually know what they like better than you know what they like. Who are you to question what they really find attractive? Why should they have to be attracted to only one sex? That's no better than saying men have to be with women.

Granted, some people say they're bisexual as a stepping stone in the process of coming out as exclusively gay. Some people experiment with both sexes out of curiousity, and they might ultimately focus on men or women exclusively. Bisexuality can be a phase for some, but many people do experience a genuine and consistent attraction to men and women.

Now, this doesn't mean that bisexuals are necessarily polygamous, or that they're attracted to everyone. It just means either sex is an option for them. And it doesn't mean they switch back and forth between being gay or straight depending on the sex of the person they're in a relationship with. Their attraction to both sexes is typically persistent.

The bottom line is, not everyone is gay or straight. Some people really are bisexual. And nothing is gained by denying this, or demanding that they make a choice. It's okay to be attracted to men. It's okay to be attracted to women. So why not both?

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