Videos: Choosing to be gay

Choosing to be gay

10 December 2008

ZJ: Have you ever seen people arguing over whether it's a choice to be gay? Because a lot of people have spent a lot of time vigorously debating this. Evidently, they think it's an important issue, but I really don't see why. I think it's a red herring—an unnecessary distraction.

First of all, the facts on this are pretty much conclusive. The American Psychological Association has determined that sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it something that can be changed. This is something I see as interesting from a standpoint of scientific curiosity, but it has no relevance to any matters of public policy. Here's why.

Suppose we were to just accept the argument, flawed as it is, that people choose to be gay. So what? What follows from that? Being gay is a choice, and therefore... fill in the blank here. What's the point? Why does it matter?

The worst thing is, I see so many gay people who defend themselves from intolerance by saying, "I never chose to be this way, it's just who I am, it's not a choice." This strikes me as a weak excuse, the kind of excuse you use when you're backed into a corner. "I had no choice." You know what that sounds like? It sounds like someone who's ashamed of themselves.

What if it was a choice? Does that mean you wouldn't have chosen to be gay? Why not? If being gay is a choice, so what? Why shouldn't you choose it? To defend yourself by saying "it's not a choice" is to implicitly concede that there's something distasteful and undesirable about being gay. Well, there isn't. And they need to know that.

The real problem is that we allow these people to even put us on the defensive in the first place. What we really need to tell them is: Excuse me, just who do you think you are? Since when do I have to justify myself to you? If you have a problem with what I do with my life, that is your problem. And I don't need your approval. Coming from someone like you, I don't even want your approval. So please, mind your own business.

See, doesn't that sound a lot better? Doesn't it feel good to stand up for yourself? You know, even if it was a choice, it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't obligate you to become straight. I'd still choose to be gay, and proud of it. And you should be proud too.

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