Comcastic!

Last year on the week before Christmas, our Comcast broadband service stopped working. After spending hours on the phone with them, they agreed to send out a technician to repair it, in a week. So after a week of no internet and watching commercials about their COMCASTIC service via cable TV that still works for some reason, they replaced some of the wiring in the wall and it worked again.

For a day. Then we had to call them back, and they agreed to send out another technician, in a week. This time, they had to replace the wires running out to the street. And after half a month of unavailable broadband service, they initially refused to credit our account, because apparently we were supposed to call in when the service stopped working and when it started working as well. Except we did call in, twice, and they should have records of when their technicians were here. Once we explained this to them, they grudgingly credited our account.

Now, it's the week before Christmas again, and our broadband service wasn't working last night. When I tried to access any website, it would just redirect me to a page to download and install their broadband service. Except the modem is already plugged in and working fine, and so is the network adapter, and I didn't have to download or install anything to get it running the first time. Whatever, it's worth a try anyway, right?

Halfway through "installing the internet", it tells me there's a problem with the account and we should call their support line. It's midnight, but it's probably a decent time in India. After navigating their customer support robot's voice recognition, a heavily-accented man tells me that there are delinquent charges on our account, in the exact amount that we sent out via check on December 9th. How hard is it to receive and process a check in nine days? If you're Comcast, it's apparently harder than this. Having no explanation for the fact that our TV is still working fine, the support agent says we should call back if the internet isn't working by tomorrow afternoon.

It's tomorrow afternoon and I just did. According to the friendly support woman, the last time they received a payment was on November 15th. She offered to turn our service back on for a day, but if they don't receive the check tomorrow, they'll probably turn it off again. Meanwhile, the cable TV still works, so I'll get to see their new commercials about their COMCASTIC service that's run by people who are reluctant to admit their own shortcomings, but quick to shut off service due to matters that are completely out of our control.

So now I'm in internet limbo, and I can't even wrap my mind around what we're supposed to do here. Wait for them to receive and process a check that has not been received or processed because of a mysterious issue that neither party is aware of, and remain internetless during that time? Send another check and hope it actually gets through to them, and remain internetless during that time? Call SBC to sign up for their DSL service that's supposedly slow like tortoises, if you're inclined to believe Comcast anymore?

Resolving this issue is probably going to be one big clusterfuck of negotiating with idiots, so if I'm not online for a while, that'll be why. Comcast is a cable monopoly in many areas of the US, and it's staffed by incompetent retards who probably lost our check on their way to the DIPSHIT CONVENTION. They've left no option for resolving any of this, and I suspect they have no reason to care about keeping customers at this point.

Marcita

Every Monday for the past two years, my family and I have eaten dinner at my grandpa's house, usually followed by a trip to Wal-Mart. I call this Fun Monday, because it's not really that fun at all. Wal-Mart's wide selection and low prices attract certain people, most of them fat, ugly and mildly amusing. The cashiers have some genuine variety, like the angry red-haired kid wearing a Jagermeister shirt instead of a uniform, and the tall flamboyant guy who looked like a black Mr. Clean and tied the bags in one quick motion.

Today, our cashier was Marcita, a stout, middle-aged black woman with reddish-brown hair. My mother pointed her out to me while she was counting out change from the old woman in front of us. The first thing I noticed was how the old woman was wasting everyone's time. The second was the fingernails of her left hand. There was far too much of them.

The nail of her thumb curved upward and back, arcing above the back of her hand, while the rest of them dangled freely, like icicle lights from the seasonal department. They were yellowed, with strange purple streaks winding through them, and they made thin scraping and clacking noises as she moved. And she was about to scan and bag our groceries.

As we checked out, my mother got up the nerve to ask her how she wears gloves, while I, completely entranced by these bizarre protrusions, could only stare in revulsion. That was a good thing, because I probably would have asked her what the fuck and why. She was able to pick up each item like anyone else would, evidently experienced from the time it took to grow them out. With an average growth rate of 0.1 mm/day, these must have taken about 4 years to reach their current length, giving her plenty of time to figure out how to handle a gallon of pickles.

Reluctantly, I grabbed the bags she had touched and put them in the cart. As we drove home, questions flooded my mind. Was she reluctant to remove them because they took so long to grow? Or did she grow them so she had something to talk about at the register? And would she think it was funny if I came back and bought several (edited) Nine Inch Nails CDs? I won't find out, because spraying Lysol on everything made my eyes burn.

Oh, Marcita. I wish your store's dress code had a rule about this.

Anyway, I've been working on a list of web proxies and their corresponding IPs, to make it easier to block them from web sites. It isn't done yet, because there are a lot of web proxies.

Also, JC Penney sends us useless coupons. And Knorr creamy chicken rice with shredded sharp cheddar mixed in is the most delicious thing ever.

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